Thursday, April 29, 2010

"We are rock stars"

Last night, Henry and I were really hungry.  We've had take out for all of our meals recently because we're too lazy to go grocery shopping.  Too tired to think of a place to eat at 9:30 p.m., we got in the car and drove all the way to the Walmart on Cantrell. You'd think we'd go to the one a block away, but it's really creepy and closes at 10:00 p.m.  I cannot remember the last time we went grocery shopping during the day.  We used to go to Kroger and the one on Chenal is supposed to be open 24 hours, but when we go there late at night the doors are blocked by carts, indicating to us that they're closed.

We went to the store with the intention of getting groceries, but also to pick up something for dinner that night.  Once inside, I lament that we should get a Sam's card and save more money and get things in bulk (like peanut butter, because SOMEONE really, really likes to eat it all the time [not me]).  Henry just had to point out that we would have to go during the day, you know, when the sun is out and stuff.  I think they should just be open later.  I don't have time to go during the day unless I actually get up early in the morning, which, let's face it, never happens.  Or that we could go on the weekend, but I'll never remember to go do that.  I'm lucky if I remember what day it is.

Before we had left for the store we tried to take stock of what we needed.  I think as soon as we got in the car we forgot most of what we came up with.  It's like a really bad matching game when you go to the store without a shopping list.  You wonder if you need that block of cheese, decide that you cannot live without it, and come home to find that you already had three perfectly good blocks of cheese.  Thankfully, we are not over run with cheese (just one block for tacos and crackers).

Most of the grocery trip was menial, do we need this?  Will we ever get around to eating that?  Sort of deal.  Although, we did have a good discussion of chip and dip preferences.  With regards to cheese dip, tortilla chips are the top way to go, but once in awhile Fritos and Ruffles are delicious.  We ended up getting some pre-made cheese dip, salsa, and tortilla chips.

The last stop on our shopping journey was the ice cream aisle of happiness.  There are two types of giant ice cream containers, Blue Bunny and Country Rich.  Now, Blue Bunny is a big, round container, while Country Rich is a space saver, square tub.  Blue Bunny is seven dollars, while Country Rich was on sale for five dollars.  The following debate occurred.

Me:  Which one, Blue Bunny or Country Rich?

Henry:  Blue Bunny.

Me:  That's a seven dollar tub of ice cream.  Country Rich is only five.

Henry:  But it looks weird!  It probably tastes weird too.

Me:  Fine, which flavor, chocolate chip or cookies and cream?

Henry:  Chocolate chip.

Me:  I want cookies and cream.

Henry:  Too bad, maybe you shouldn't have asked me which one I wanted.

We got the chocolate chip.

On our way to the checkout lane I asked what we were going to eat for dinner.

Me:  What are we going to eat for dinner?

I looked in the cart and surveyed what we had picked up.  None of it screamed, 'we're perfect to eat for dinner right now.'  Maybe it's a good thing food isn't talking to me, yet.

Me:  Chips and cheese dip?

Henry:  Yep.  We are rock stars.

Fruit Loops

I've never been a huge fan of Fruit Loops.  Last weekend I inhaled the aroma of a lime and thought, 'hey, that smells like Fruit Loops.'  Since then I have been dying to get my hands on a nice bowl of the multi-colored loops that taste like sugar and nothing like fruit.  This morning my dream was achieved.

Henry and I were watching Modern Family when we had to pause the playback so that Hulu could freaking buffer and not stall on us.  Henry went to the kitchen to get himself a glass of soda.  I took advantage of his proximity to the cereal and milk I so desired.  

Me:  Oh!  Oh!  Oh!  Do you know what would make you the best person is the whole wide world?!  

Henry stares at me waiting to hear my probably crazy follow up.

Me:  If you got me a bowl of Fruit Loops.

Henry:  I assume you want milk?

Me:  Yes and a spoon!

Henry:  Did you need to tell me you wanted a spoon?

Me:  Well, I felt I had to clarify since I only asked for a bowl and you had to ask me about the milk.  I'd rather you know that I'd also like a spoon than to get no spoon at all.  

As he poured my bowl of cereal, I commented once again that limes smell like Fruit Loops.  I watched as he stuck his face towards the opening of the box and inhaled.  

Henry:  I will agree the Fruit Loops smell a little like limes.  

Me:  Limes smell like Fruit Loops!

Henry:  Yes, but limes were around before Fruit Loops, but I guess you knew Fruit Loops before limes.

Me:  You've figured out my logic.  

It's true.  I knew all about Fruit Loops before I was ever introduced to limes.  In fact, I cannot remember the first time I saw a lime in real life.  I don't think I even tasted an actual lime until I did that one shot of Patron.   Even then I thought that the lime tasted like Fruit Loops.  I think I might like limes.  Or Fruit Loops.  It's hard to tell.  

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


Henry and I have been reading a lot of Hyperbole and a Half recently.  I told him that her logic is how I think or see a lot of things.  It's really like being in my brain.  Henry thinks I should be more honest about my 'crazy' thoughts and write them down or verbalize them.  I told him I tried that when I was nine and it did not work out in my favor, but I would try again now.  It's not like my craziness is going to affect anything since he's the only one who really reads this anyway.  What better way to start off this honesty with a post about when I learned not to say what I was really thinking out loud.

When I was nine, my family visited the Sea World park in Ohio.  There was an attraction there where you would stand on a moving sidewalk that went through a glass tunnel under the shark tank.  About half way through this attraction, I turned to my family and said the following, "I'm glad none of these sharks are suicidal.  They'd swim through the glass and start attacking everyone.  And everyone would be all starts flailing arms about and screaming, while the shark was trying to take as many people with it as it could."  My father, mother, and brother just stared at me.  It was as if they had just watched another head sprout out of my neck.  If anyone said anything I cannot remember it now.  And this incident has never been spoken of again by any of them.  That was when I learned to keep my crazy thoughts to myself.  No one will understand them and they will just stare at you like you are a three headed dog.

My mother once told me that the main piece of advice she would give people who were watching me was, "nod your head and smile."  Now whenever someone does that to me when I talk to them I feel self-conscious about what I am saying.  I assume they think I'm crazy.  So be prepared to read more crazy posts about what I am really thinking.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Dancing With Myself

It's no surprise that I adore the show Glee.  It's quirky, sometimes smart, and has musical numbers!  I feel giddy when I can curl up on the couch for an hour a week and really get into a show like this.  One of my favorite things about it are the musical numbers.  They're incorporated into the show through actual glee club performances or character dream sequences.  Most of the time they don't feel forced, but rather feel like a natural thing for the characters to do.

Their song catalog so far has been very impressive.  They've covered 80's ballads, recent hip-hop numbers, and some good old fashioned malt shop numbers.  My all time favorite cover (so far) on the show is 'Dancing with Myself' as sung by Kevin Michael McHale playing the wheel-chair bound character Artie (video here).  His cover is a version of the cover done by Nouvelle Vague.  The song was originally done by the band Generation X (which consisted of Tony James and Billy Idol) and was later covered by Idol on his self-titled album.  

The song seems to fit the character at that moment so well.  He's different from all the other Glee kids not by popularity, but because he is bound to his chair.  He can't ride the same bus they get to ride to regionals and getting into the auditorium for practice is quite a difficulty.  He also cannot move around and perform like the other kids.  Rather than be pitied by his peers, they see him as just another person.  All the difficulties he has to face to be a part of the group do not bother them and they assume he's used to it because that's just how he has to do things.  Sure, he's nice enough to write it off and agree with them, but just like Mr. Shue, I feel bad for the kid.  He deserves better.  He should be able to ride the same bus and be a part of the fun of the ride rather than be stuck riding with his dad.

Anyway, back to the song.  I've always liked this song.  There's something about the beat and lyrics that make me feel like moving around and lonely at the same time.  I know that doesn't sound like a good combination, but when you're feeling down it's nice to dance around to a song that best expresses that feeling.    That might also be why I enjoy this song so much.

So go dance with yourself!  Note:  I do not mean go masterbate.  That is not what the song is about even though it sounds like it.  It's actually about a dance club in Tokyo.  Fun facts!

Edit:  My font formating refuses to cooperate with this post.  I cannot kill it with fire.

Sunday, April 25, 2010


I've spent the last three hours trying to find a nice, lace-like scarf to knit for spring/summer.  I cannot find one I like or that would require a lot of blocking.  I thought maybe I could make up a pattern, but my brain refuses to work today.

I want to use up about 80-100 yards of leftover bamboo silk yarn in a royal blue like color.  Or I could use a bright aqua-like blue cotton yarn, of which I have two 109 yard balls.

I plan to make this scarf when the pattern comes out, but until then I want to make a more lace-like scarf.  Or I could make a pair of long, fingerless gloves with the aqua yarn to prep for the winter.  Eh, I'll figure something out.

The Mall

I've had this coupon for The Limited for about a month (usable from April 5th to 25th).  During that period I always found an excuse to not go to the mall.  I kept thinking about how I have to go to work and then I told myself I should wait until my next paycheck.  Sure, I could have gone on Thursday or Friday when I was off work, but I didn't want to go by myself.  I feel that going to the mall by myself would just make me sad, angry, and cranky.  I'd have to park, walk in, look at stuff I won't buy, think of something witty about what I was looking at, forget what it was by the time I see someone I know so I could tell them, they won't think it's funny because they weren't there, try stuff on, get annoyed because what I really like doesn't fit, but what I can moderately tolerate does, settle for something I don't really like, pay, get back to the car, drive back home, park, walk up the hill, walk up the stairs, unlock the door, close the door, lock the door again, put down the bag, sit on the couch.  As you can see that's way too exhausting.

Yesterday I told Henry that I was going to finally go today, dammit!  I know that places tend to have weird hours on Sunday so I looked up the mall hours.  Noon to 6 p.m. on Sunday?!  Fuck you mall!  It's like they knew I'd have to work from 12:45 to 5:15 without enough time to get to work or make it to the mall before closing.  I imagine the building itself is laughing at me.

I realized while writing this post that I could just order stuff online.  But how will I know if it fits?! 

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


I payed a Comcast bill today.  It was a confusing bill with many rebates and extra charges.  We had cancelled our cable at the end of February, but when we got the March bill they hadn't actually cancelled our service.  We had to get them to update the billing. They would not send us a new bill, but told us to come back and pay.  Which we did so the next week.  The next bill showed that they had removed the old charges, but that we had a leftover balance from the internet.  Now, on the paper bill it actually showed this charge as a subtraction and then a new charge.  What I want to know is what the hell did I pay last time?  They didn't give us an itemized bill or anything, we just went in, gave them the account number and paid something.

Today the lady showed us the screen of our account.  It was a terrible user interface.  Everything was grey, blue, and black.  It reminded me of the old DOS stuff.  We finally figured out/she explained that the leftover balance was added after we had made that payment.  I'm still pretty sure that we have now paid what we were not supposed to pay when we complained about our bill being wrong the first time.

I don't think there is anything we can do about it either since there is no paper bill for that adjusted bill.  I feel confused and sad and violated.  To quote Henry, "Maybe this is why they're one of the top four worst companies in America."

The Nexus One

So, I really want a Nexus One.  Look at it.  It is beautiful.  I have decided I need a new phone.  I would rather get a smartphone rather than a regular phone because if I'm going to be stuck with a phone for two years I want it to be awesome.

The iPhone is cool, but everyone has a freaking iPhone. Plus I am not a huge fan of their app censorship policy.  The Palm Pre and Pixi are cute, but their shape and keyboard are not something I would like to use all the time.  I do love the Droid.  I'm a fan of the OS and the phone itself, but I really just want a Nexus One.

The Nexus One calls to my soul.  It wants me to touch it, to hold it.  I think I'm in love.  With my current income it is feasible to purchase said phone and pay it's monthly bill and not end up in the poor house.  I still can't bring myself to buy said phone for fear that something terrible will happen and I'll need that money right back.  I was determined to get one this week but then Henry's statistics project went crazy and we had to put it down before it ate up all our finances.  Maybe next pay period?

I just remembered that I have to go pay the Comcast bill today.  Fuck Comcast.

Crazy Old Man Pt. 1

When you work at a library you meet all sorts of interesting characters.  There are the nice homeless people, the crazy homeless people, drug addicts, people who just got arrested and released (the library is in front of the police booking station), nice kids, damn kids with their skateboards, and of course crazy old people.  There is one crazy old man in particular that comes to the library almost every day.  This Crazy Old Man (COM) loves to talk and talk even though you may try to ignore him.  When I started working at the library I was warned by other co-workers about him and had a few very brief experiences with him.  Today, I was not so lucky.

While working by myself at the upstairs desk, COM comes old person shuffling up to the desk.  He first asks me where a certain female co-worker is stationed.  I tell him she is in the computer lab, but he does not leave to seek her out and stays there chatting to me.  I think it is because he fears computers.  He comments that it is too bad that she is married cause he wants a wife.  COM asks me if I was married, I quickly respond yes even though I am not to keep him from thinking he has a chance.  He goes on to tell me that he wants a wife because there is no marriage in the kingdom of heaven so he has to get one before he dies.  He also says he wants one that is 'fixed' with a hysterectomy because he does not want to have children.  He thinks they are a drain on finances and a pain, but he also went on to say that he likes kids in the same breath.

He decides to sit at one the chairs behind me and asks if I could get him two of yesterday's newspapers from the closet.  I grab the keys from the drawer and head over to previously mentioned closet and he offers to hold the door open for me.  I tell him that the door will stay open automatically and that there is no need for him to stand there.  He says he does it for everyone else, but I did not want to be trapped in a closet by a creepy old man.  When I get to the closet door I realize that the key to open it is not on the key ring.  I inform COM about the situation and he sighs and tells me that this happened yesterday.  COM is convinced it is a liberal conspiracy between the government and the library to keep the Wall Street Journal away from him.  At this point I am desperate to find the damn key to get those papers because my feeble mind thinks it will keep him from talking to me.  There is no closet key to be found.  At this point I realize I am trapped.  I frantically send Henry an email asking him to call the library so I could sound busy and important on the phone and to keep him from talking.  My plea for help was read too late.

COM loudly asks me what church I attend.  I tell him that I am actually Jewish, even though I am not (but would like to be).  Secretly I hope that he hates Jewish people and will stop talking to me.  Big mistake.  He loves Jewish people!  He then tells me that he wants to marry a Jewish woman because he thinks they make good spouses.  His reasoning is based on the fact that his sister or cousin Mary had been married to two other men, but that didn't work out ("With a name like Collin you would have thought he was a good guy").  But then she married a Jewish man whose name he could not remember, but was a diplomat.  They moved to Israel and he has not heard from her since.  He thinks they're back in the United States, but he does not know.  The simple fact that he thinks things worked out between them and that she is okay because he has not heard from her blows my mind.  He also tells me about all the Jewish people he has ever known.  I feel it is important to point out that whenever COM describes a woman he ALWAYS mentions race, how attractive he found her, her attractive or unattractive features, and her name if he can remember it.

My strategy was to flat out ignore the man until he went away, but apparently ignoring him gives him the impression that he should just continue talking.  He asks me if I know a guy named Gordon who works at the McDonalds a few blocks away.  I tell him, no, I do not know this man.  He continues to go on about where Gordon lives and how he thinks he got messed up in 'the war' and that Gordon does not like it when COM talks to him and has told him so.  COM does not get why Gordon does not like him and does not talk to him even though Gordon will talk with other people.  I get why Gordon does not talk to him.  I wish Gordon could keep him from talking to me.  By this point I have walked away from the desk to the magazine racks and meticulously straighten stacks of old magazines to keep myself far away from this man.

He asks me if I have kids.  I shake my head no rather than verbally communicate anything with the slight hope that it might deter him from asking more questions.  He tells me that I should get myself 'fixed' as soon as possible.  If I had a dollar for every time this man has told me about how all women should be 'fixed' I'd have like, fifty bucks.  He asks me if I live in North Little Rock, again I shake my head no.  I do not want this man to know where I live.  He accepts this as a good reason for me to not be familiar with the area, him, or Gordon.

A ray of hope appears in the form of co-worker Ashley who has come to take over the station while I head back downstairs.  I talk with her for awhile about how to close the second floor because it was her first night to do so.  I see that COM is shuffling down the stairs and I hope that he has left the building.  When I get to the first floor I see the brown windbreaker clad COM standing at the desk talking to co-worker Marissa and a part of my soul dies.  Why was this happening to me?

Tune in tomorrow for Crazy Old Man Pt 2:  Desk of Doom.