When I'm Old I'll Be A Farmer

When I grow old and 'retire' I want a fiber farm.  Get some alpaca, sheep, and angora bunnies.  It would be awesome.  I could process the fiber and sell it wholesale or really pick up spinning.  It would be freaking awesome and cute and yeah.  Unfortunately, I am no good with farm animals.

Exhibit A:  I've been chased by a giant turkey and on a separate occasion a really mean goose.

The turkey was a maniac. It was basically a wild turkey although it lived in a pen in the backyard of some family friends.  I think I was about four when this happened.  We went over to their house and they asked if we wanted to see their turkey they were raising for Thanksgiving.  Of course I wanted to see a turkey alive.   I had only ever seen a Butterball before.

We went out to the backyard and we got in the pen.  Or at least they put me in it.  Or they let the turkey out.  I don't quite remember, I've pushed this memory to the back of my mind.  Anyway, the turkey and I were in the same area.  And it started moving towards me.  As it got closer I realized turkeys are ugly bastards.  It's eyes were crazy and it just kept moving faster towards me.  I ran.  I think my brother laughed at me.  I think we corralled the turkey back into its pen, but I was freaked.  I was reminded of this memory when we visited MH and saw my uncle's 'farm' in his backyard where he is keeping three turkeys.  I fucking hate turkeys now, but enjoy eating their delicious meat.

The goose isn't too uncommon.  All geese are dicks.  This one lived on my aunt Joy's farm.  It would follow me and honk.  I'm sure it was mocking six year old me.  Jerk.  It would also try to come up and bite people.  I have no idea why she kept that thing around.

Exhibit B:  A horse tried to eat me once.

This also happened at Joy's farm.  She was out of town and asked my dad to feed her animals.  This included a pig pen, two horses, a donkey, multiple dogs, and probably water fowl.  The horses were in separate fields because I think the female was pregnant and was being kept in the barn, while the male horse, Red, was in the big field.  My dad was feeding the animals in the barn and sent my brother and me to feed Red.

Red was a big horse.  He was typically mean, but not violent.  We walked up to the corner of the fence where we usually put out his food.  He saw us and knew he was getting some damn food.  I decided to stand by the fence to pet him and watch him eat.  Red saw my dirty blonde hair and saw it as a delicious hay snack.  Next thing I know there is a horse trying to eat my hair.  I'm crying, screaming at my brother that this horse is trying to eat me.

My brother runs away.  I panic more because now I'm alone, feeling the large teeth of a horse rub against my head.  My cowardly brother returns with my dad who gets me away from the killer horse.  So yeah, not a big fan of horses anymore.

My future of a fiber farm might be a little dangerous, but at least I can stop wearing tuxes after 6 p.m.

You Should Be Ashamed

Henry and I made a mix CD yesterday.  The rules we established were that it had to have geeky/nerdy songs, we would try to make it from Henry's music library (although we bought an MC Frontalot CD), and Henry wanted the Lonely Island/Justin Timberlake songs (but I had to cut 'Motherlover' cause I didn't think it fit with the overall flow and I've heard it enough recently).

1.  Going Back to Hogwarts -A Very Potter Musical Cast

This song is very catchy.  A little too catchy.  Although my favorite song from the musical is 'Ginny/Cho Chang' (just for the line "gonna take you to the city, get all up in your titties"), this song is a close second.

"No way this year anyone's gonna die and it's gonna be totally awesome!"

2.  Neville -MC Chris

Neville is a totally bad ass; especially in the last movie.

I swear there are no more Harry Potter songs on this play list.

3.  It Is Pitch Dark -MC Frontalot

I haven't watched Nerdcore Rising yet, but it's on my immediate to do list.

Always carry a torch.

4.  Dick In A Box -Lonely Island feat. Justin Timberlake

Part one of Henry's request.  It transitions us into the slower songs of the list.

This is not an acceptable birthday gift, Henry.

5.  SCV Love Song -NerdAlert

NerdAlert is a group put together by Husky (a Starcraft II commentator) and some other youtube stars.  They've made some fun Starcraft themed songs.  Although they mainly do spoofs of other songs, this is an original.

"We'll repair one another"

6.  Helix Nebula -Anamanaguchi

I love 8-bit music.  I believe that if you play any Anamanaguchi song while doing something boring makes it ten times more exciting.  I also believe that if you do the same action while playing a Frou Frou song it makes it deep and meaningful.

If only there was a local 8-bit music scene.  If there is, I am not cool enough to know about it.

7.  Roll a D6 -some people from the internet

I'm sure they have some sort of name, but I can't think of it right now.

"Give me a perception check"

8.  Banelings -NerdAlert

I haven't ever listened to Justin Beiber's 'Baby' except for the occasional sample (30 seconds or less).  Now whenever I hear a clip of that song I get disappointed when it's not 'Banelings.'

"Spawning on Lost Temple, man that map is so imba for terran"

9.  Blackout City -Anamanaguchi

Just because I could.

MOAR 8-BIT

10.  Still Alive -Jonathan Coulton

This might be the song that everyone knows even if they haven't heard of Portal.  It's a good song.

"These points of data make a beautiful line"

11.  Date My Avatar -Felicia Day (The Guild)

The Guild is possibly one of the funniest web series.

"Women, can't live with them; none of them will go out with me" -Vork

12.  3-way (The Golden Rule) -Lonely Island feat. Justin Timberlake and Lady Gaga

Best dated references ever?

"Your mom says hi.  Jinx."

13.  Nerdcore Rising -MC Frontalot

Henry and I agreed yesterday that when we have a kid and he or she releases their own nerdcore album, we hope they title it 'You Should Be Ashamed.'

"Exterminate!"

BONUS TRACK!  Reginald's Answering Machine Rap -MC Frontalot, written by Anthony Clark (Nedroid)

MC Frontalot recored the rap Anthony wrote for one of his characters.  It's quite awesome.  

Check out the comic here.

The song is here.  

It's Tough Being Awesome (But Not Awesome Enough)

I just got a call that I didn't get the Library Assistant job I interviewed for on Tuesday.  This totally blows.  The flip side is that the two wonderful women who interviewed me did say that I was, in fact, super awesome, but with 25 other applicants they just went with the one with the most experience in the end.  They did say that they do want me to work for them and that I should apply for the next opening because they were really impressed with my interview.

So, in one way I'm all sorts of bummed, but I'm also happy that they did actually like me.  Oh well.

Now my house is shaking from thunder and it's setting off other people's car alarms.  Today is not my day.  My cat George is looking at me like, "make it stop, please, just make it stop."  I'm sorry kitty.  Mommy has no control over the weather.

How Do Drive a Library Worker Crazy

Here's a few examples of the situations I deal with on a daily basis.  Some days I lose faith in humanity.

• Oh, you say you can't find these two books on our shelves for two days when the computer says they're in?  Let me go look.  Oh, they're right on the shelf in the correct location by call number!  I'm beginning to think you don't know what a book looks like or how to read.

• Slow down.  Don't run, please....  I am just a ghostly voice from the great beyond telling you not to run. 

• I cannot help you when you're talking on your cell phone.  Either finish your call outside or call them back.  Otherwise I will join in on your conversation or refuse to help you until you hang up.

• The cd/dvd/audiobook/playaway you are holding in your hand is in fact a cd/dvd/audiobook/playaway.  No, it is not a book.  Yes, I know the sticker says '14 day book,' but that's only to inform you that the you can only check out the item for 14 days.
  
  
• Yes, I need photo identification and two things with your name and current address to create a library account for you.  Yes, that's a Social Security card.  No, it does not count.  Why?  Because we're funded by county taxpayer money.  I'm glad you just live up the street, why don't you go home and get some bills or something for me to confirm your address.
  
• Fiction means stories that are not real.  Non-fiction means it's real, possibly educational and not what you're looking for.
  
• It's 9:00 p.m., please leave.  I gave you a 15, 10, 5, and 1 minute warning.  That does not mean you can keep browsing like you have nothing else to do.
  

This song came on while I was working on this post and figured it was a pretty good way to end this post.